As humans we have an inherent desire for certainty; certainty allows us to plan and ensure we are prepared for anything that may happen. It can be difficult to deal with uncertainty, when things seem out of our control and unpredictable. To many people, the feeling of uncertainty is unbearable and one to be avoided at all costs. Therefore when uncertain situations arise it may lead to behaviours like excessively checking or looking for reassurance from others. This can also lead to worry. By thinking about all the possible ways that something may play out or go wrong many people feel like worrying is helping prepare them for the worst and is therefore playing a positive role in helping them gain some certainty.
Interestingly, when researchers have looked at worry, they found that 85% of what we worry about never happens. In addition to this, for the 15% of worries that did happen 79% of subjects discovered they could either handle it better than expected, or that the difficulty taught them a lesson worth learning.
When we are uncomfortable with uncertainty, we may find that we have thoughts like “worry helps me prepare for the worst” and “I need to be absolutely certain before I make a decision”. This can be problematic because in actual fact, worrying changes nothing about the situation itself, purely our perception of it. Therefore, many times when we engage in worry we are just thinking of the worst possible scenarios, making ourselves worked up and often paralysed from taking action that may have a positive impact on the situation.
Three ways to manage uncertainty
We can learn to accept uncertainty and reduce worry in the following ways
Worry Time
Worry can be overwhelming when we experience it consistently throughout the day. ‘Worry Time’ can be a useful way to postpone our worry so that it is less invasive. Try engaging in ‘Worry Time’ by following these steps:
· Set aside a 10-minute period each day where you can worry. Ensure that you complete the worry period in a space that is away from where you would normally be and that you do not exceed 10 minutes.
· When you get the urge to worry throughout the day, park the worry until your set Worry Time. You may like to jot it on a note pad in a few words.
· During your Worry Time you are free to think only about your worries with regard to a particular situation. You do not need to come up with positive alternatives or tell yourself that the worry is irrational, just let the worries come to you. You may like to write it down rather than just thinking it.
· At the end of the 10 minutes, take 5 deep calming breaths, come back to the present moment and let the worrying thoughts go.
Challenge your intolerance of uncertainty
Because we crave certainty, when we are faced with a challenging situation where we cannot predict the end result our minds will often make predictions. We do this to attempt to make sense of things and reduce the discomfort of not knowing. In reality, whilst we can be certain about some things in life, it is impossible to be certain about everything. This desire to find answers can lead to us making erroneous assumptions about situations based on cognitive bias. For example, if we are dating someone and we haven’t heard from them, we may jump to the conclusion that they have lost interest, in reality this is not certain, however it can feel more comfortable drawing a conclusion rather than tolerating the discomfort of not knowing. Reflect on these questions:
· Can you think of a time where you may have jumped to the wrong conclusion about a situation due to worry? How did that impact the situation?
· What are some situations where it may be impossible to gain 100% certainty?
· Are you only predicting the worse case scenario in order to feel prepared? What are the chances that it may work out positively? Or neutrally?
Acceptance and Mindfulness
Whilst we can provide certain answers in some situations, there are other situations where we need to accept that we do not have the answers and learn to become comfortable with our discomfort, for the time being. This involves recognising when we are feeling a need for certainty and that our mind is focused on the future. We can then engage in mindfulness to return to the present moment.
Mindfulness is being focused on the present moment, non-judgmentally, whilst being able to calmly notice the thoughts and feelings that are present. Being present non-judgmentally involves recognising everything that is occurring (e.g. thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations) without making a mental judgement about them as being either bad or good; they just exist in that moment. Mindfulness is a useful way to ground yourself when you notice a craving for certainty in a situation where it may not be possible.
There are some very simple ways to become more mindful:
· Focus on your breath. When we are focusing on our breath it is difficult to worry about other things. It helps us stay focused in the moment
· If focusing on your breath is difficult for you an easy alternative is to go for a walk, as you’re walking count your steps and try to only think about the number that you’re up to
· If you’re feeling overwhelmed with worry, return to the present moment by thinking of 5 things you can see, smell and touch in your environment
These techniques will help to slow your mind when it tries to use worry to find an answer. Once you have grounded yourself in the present moment, take note of any bodily sensations that you feel, the thoughts you are having and the feelings that arise. Acknowledge that you are feeling a need for certainty and that you need to observe it and then let it pass. Reassure yourself that being uncertain does not mean that things will turn out badly.