If you were asked to describe in one word what you want more of in life what would that be? I’m sure for many a word that comes to mind is happiness (perhaps money was there too). But is happiness and are we looking for the right thing?
As humans we are pretty good at hedonic happiness which is the pleasure seeking kind of high you get from external things, like buying something you want or eating that big piece of chocolate cake. But what you might not realise is, this sort of happiness is short lived and once it’s over we find ourselves looking for the next ‘thing’ that will make us happy. Sound familiar?
Whether this be a new car, a nicer house in a new neighbourhood or even that glass of wine. In many cases, when we actually get the thing we think we desire, it never quite give us the lasting satisfaction we imagined it would. As humans, we often overestimate how much these things will increase our happiness and are left feeling unsatisfied.
So what about winning the lottery, that’s a sure-fire way to be happy, right? Well not according to a classic study that compared recent accident victims who were paralysed to recent lottery winners. The accident victims actually reported more joy from everyday activities and the lottery winners weren’t actually any happier than the control sample of everyday people.
Similarly, like pursuing that new outfit or handbag, as humans we have a tendency to return to a baseline of happiness. The lottery winners although initially happier, then adapted to their new normal and then retreated to their baseline happiness.
So how can I make myself truly happy?
If things external to us can’t seem to improve our happiness for more than a short while, how can we ever be truly happy?
In her book ‘Thrive’ Arianna Huffington writes about the Stoic way of thinking:
“Stoicism teaches that unhappiness, negative emotions, and what we would today call “stress” are not inflicted on us by external circumstances and events, but are, rather, the result of the judgments we make about what matters and what we value. To the Stoics, the most secure kind of happiness could therefore be found in the only thing that we are in control of – our inner world. Everything outside us can be taken away, so how can we entrust our future happiness and well-being to it?”
So, what does this tell us? That the only sure way to find happiness is within ourselves. But what is this inner happiness and where do we begin to look for it?
The opposite of hedonic happiness (the pleasure seeking kind referred to earlier) is eudaimonic happiness. This is about finding meaning and having purpose in life and the key to having a fulfilling life.
We should therefore not look at happiness as the goal, but finding a sense of meaning in our lives. Once we have this meaning and purpose we will experience more happiness as a by-product of doing something we enjoy and feel passionate about.
Not only does leading a meaningful life make us happier, it also makes us healthier. Research has discovered that having a sense of meaning in your life helps you to sleep better (even in people with chronic conditions), live longer and have a healthier functioning immune system.
Where do I start?
When talking about meaning and purpose in life many people will think of religion and spirituality. For some this is their source of meaning, however it extends well beyond this. A lot of people find their source of meaning through their work or even their family.
Finding a sense of meaning through your career is a fantastic way to lead a more satisfying life. Lets face it we spend so much of our life at work (around 90,000 hours of it) why not use this precious time towards something we think is important?!
However meaningful work isn’t the only way to lead a satisfying life. There is no prescription for a meaningful life, it must be discovered individually.
Some tips for starting to discover meaning in your life:
You don’t need to have it all figured out – Just having an idea of what gives your life meaning is enough, it takes a series of small steps in this direction until you will fully understand what gives your life purpose
Start by making meaningful choices everyday – Try doing more of what feels meaningful (spending time with family etc.) and less of what doesn’t
Pay attention to what lights you up – What are you really passionate about? Once you know what important to you you can devote more energy to this
Don’t do something just because others find it meaningful – Just because one person finds that having children makes their life rich and meaningful does not mean it will do the same for you
Allocate regular time to check in with yourself – This could be going for a walk or meditating. It is important to allocate time to think about where you are in your life and how it fits into your life story. Where do you want to be? What steps can you take daily to get yourself there?